This I Wonder Essay
1.) Problem Sentence: Today is the day I am suppose to be starting my new high school. Due to the fact that the current school I was attending was shutting down in the middle of the school year. (Sentence Fragment)
Revised Sentence: Today is the day I am suppose to be starting my new high school, because the current school I am attending is shutting down in the middle of the school year.
2.) Problem Sentence: Day dreaming while I sat there, then my mom yelled "Ok let's go! Get out!"
Revised Sentence: While I sat there day dreaming, my mom yelled " Ok let's go! Get out!"
3.) Problem Sentence: Of course I was a little nervous because I knew that soon as I entered the class room all eyes would be on me.
Revised Sentence: Of course I'm a little nervous because I knew that as soon as I entered the class room all eyes would be on me.
This I Argue
1.) Problem Sentence: It has been said that hunger is equal to obesity. (Passive voice)
Revised Sentence: Most people say that hunger is equal to obesity. (Active voice)
2.) Problem Sentence: Not knowing where your next meal is going to come, how you’re
going to feed your children, or most importantly not being able to afford a
simple meal to feed your household. (Passive Voice)
Revised Sentence: As a person it is frustrating not knowing where your next meal is coming from, how you' re going to feed your children, or most importantly not being able to afford a simple meal for your home. ( Active Voice)
3.) Problem Sentence: She also says that a lot of the food that are purchased from
their local grocery store are not as fresh and she is unable to buy healthy food or
snacks. ( sentence structure word elimination)
Revised Sentence: She also says that most of the food purchased from local grocery stores are not as fresh, and that is why she is unable to buy healthy food and snacks.
1.) Problem Sentence: Today is the day I am suppose to be starting my new high school. Due to the fact that the current school I was attending was shutting down in the middle of the school year. (Sentence Fragment)
Revised Sentence: Today is the day I am suppose to be starting my new high school, because the current school I am attending is shutting down in the middle of the school year.
2.) Problem Sentence: Day dreaming while I sat there, then my mom yelled "Ok let's go! Get out!"
Revised Sentence: While I sat there day dreaming, my mom yelled " Ok let's go! Get out!"
3.) Problem Sentence: Of course I was a little nervous because I knew that soon as I entered the class room all eyes would be on me.
Revised Sentence: Of course I'm a little nervous because I knew that as soon as I entered the class room all eyes would be on me.
This I Argue
1.) Problem Sentence: It has been said that hunger is equal to obesity. (Passive voice)
Revised Sentence: Most people say that hunger is equal to obesity. (Active voice)
2.) Problem Sentence: Not knowing where your next meal is going to come, how you’re
going to feed your children, or most importantly not being able to afford a
simple meal to feed your household. (Passive Voice)
Revised Sentence: As a person it is frustrating not knowing where your next meal is coming from, how you' re going to feed your children, or most importantly not being able to afford a simple meal for your home. ( Active Voice)
3.) Problem Sentence: She also says that a lot of the food that are purchased from
their local grocery store are not as fresh and she is unable to buy healthy food or
snacks. ( sentence structure word elimination)
Revised Sentence: She also says that most of the food purchased from local grocery stores are not as fresh, and that is why she is unable to buy healthy food and snacks.